Rigidity and Collapse

At any time in life and in experience I have a choice. Although, it may not always seem like a choice. The choice is that of either opening to experience and act on what is unfolding or not. If I choose not to, I will resort to my default survival strategy which can invariably be categorized as one of either rigidity and posturing, or one of collapse and self-diminishing.

Although seemingly opposite, they are in fact expressions of the same root incapability or unwillingness. It is normally a habitual response, and causally connected to adverse experiences, or a lack of a necessary experiences. It shows us where we were either not loved for who we are, or did not feel secure boundaries. If these things were in place, or if an individual has come to terms with and integrated the lessons from the previous lack, their ability to navigate in life will have a solid foundation in the experiential realm, and they will intuitively feel what the right response to a given situation is. What follows with this is a sense of groundedness and trust that life will provide as long as we bring our being and purpose into action. If these things were not in place, and the individual has not yet come to terms with it, they will default to the survival strategy they used when the lack happened. The places where their actions create a dissonance will be mirrored back to them by the surroundings, and it is the task of the individual to let themselves be course corrected by gradually beginning to open to the pain which is contained within their being and letting the boundary between themself and life grow more transparent and thin as they gain competence.

Bringing ourself fully into life is by definition an exploration and expansion of the boundary between the known and the unknown. An experience which is inherently unsafe for our sense of identity and self. If the prerequisites for this are not in place – knowledge and embodiment of self-worth, and a well-developed sense of personal boundaries – the foundation on which the full expression of self can happen will be too fragile, and these things will need to be integrated first before further progress can be made.

This integration has two modes of being expedited. One is in solitary self-reflection and refinement, and the other is in honest and transparent connection with our surroundings. If there is a proper understanding of the desired end point, then the first one is simply a matter of determination and diligence, as well as a willingness to be wrong about everything we assume to be true. Simple, yet far from easy. If the desired end point is not clear, then that should be a good starting point for an honest inquiry.
The second mode is far more complex, and will lead us into territories far beyond our comfort zone. To fully choose this road, is to surrender to becoming a vessel of creation and expression. We have to speak our best understanding of truth into the world, and allow ourselves to be humbled about our own ignorance. We will learn how to navigate rich and complex interpersonal dynamics. We will learn what a yes and no truly mean. We will encounter a wide range of extraordinary people, some will become friends, and some we may meet only in passing, we will part ways with old environments and old ways of being, we will find our passion, love, and create something we find meaningful.

In the end we will come to the realization that none of it mattered, and yet we would never have it any other way. All the love, fear, joy, anger, sadness, misery and contentment will have been for nothing, and it will have been worth it.